Saturday 10/7/06

Slept in.
Ate at breakfast buffet again.
Got our sun on.
Went to a disembarkation meeting.
Back out in the sun.
Listened to the steel drum band sing "Who let the dogs out?!" "who-who-who-who-who?!"
Watched a really old leathery lady in an itty bitty bikini dance/ hunch the air. She was in the same place everyday. Doing the same dance. And holding her drink in the air the same way. Not sure if she ever went back to her room.
Found the seafood buffet. On the fucking 2nd to last day. Damnit.
Huge chocolate buffet for dessert.
Sun again.
Had a couple's appointment with Breta, a massage therapist from England. It was a couple's demo, where she taught us how to massage each other. It was awesome. We learned some bad ass techniques, that I don't remember anymore. Jim liked Breta because she said words like "bum" and "ars." We got a free bottle of awesome massage oil.
Nap.
Dinner at the Monet room. Got a picture of Arnel, our special waiter.
Back to room to pack.
We had to have our luggage outside the room before midnight.
Back to Toulouse Lautrec theater for the Talent Show.
The cruise director scouted out people in the Karaoke bars and made them perform.
There was Elton John, Madonna, Brit, Aretha Franklin, Jackson 5, etc...
Kinda dumb and embarrassing.
At the very end of the show, they announced that they had a special surprise for everyone. There was an actual fo real celebrity in the house. This person had been on the cruise ship the entire week with their family. The spot light went back and forth through the crowd. Who could it be? I was on the edge of my seat with anticipation, when the stoplight stopped at the table next to ours. It was Tito Jackson. He was on our cruise the whole time. Wow!
Then I was kinda, "so that's it?"
Back to room. :)


Sunday 11/8/06

Up early.
Looked out our window to see dirty thick funky TX water.
And so began my post-honeymoon depression.
Breakfast buffet. Hell yayerrr.
Called to disembark ship by color codes. I think we were turquoise.
Wandered aimlessly around TX cruise terminal looking for our color coded luggage.
Stood in a bunch of really long lines.
Went through customs.
Looked for our coach bus to take us back to the airport.
Found it.
Sat on the bus for 15 minutes before realizing that we were the only ones not wearing bright green matching Jesus t-shirts.
Found other bus.
The right one.
1 hour bus ride to Houston Airport.
Ate at a sketchy Mexican fast food place.
Sat in a massage chair. $1 for 3 minutes.
Had ice cream at organic ice cream place, but then ordered a bunch of unhealthy toppings. Lady behind the counter didn't hesitate to tell me so.
I think we had a 2 hour layover.
Saw the lead singer of Everclear sprinting through the airport. I swear.
Boarded Plane.
Layover in Atlanta.
Ate at Popeye's Chicken. (we ate a lot)
Boarded Plane.
Evansville Airport.
I automatically felt sluggish and fat and sick and short of breath.
Ginger picked us up.
We went home to a house full of awesome wedding gifts piled up in the livingroom. We rolled around in them up until last week.

The End

SHARP AS A TACK LIKE I JUST LEFT CHURCH

Thursday 10/5/06 (cont'd)

The second stop at Grand Cayman was the Turtle Farm and it was bad ass. The biggest one they had was 600 lb. We didn't get to see it. I think it just stays at the bottom of the water. We got to play with the little ones and pick them up, and they splash around and get really excited. And I love them. My fave place.

Third stop was the stingray sandbar. We got in a pontoon boat with like 15 other people and went 30 minutes out into the ocean. The captain was Alfonzo and the skipper was Ernesto. They were from Honduras. We reached a sandbar that was only like 5 ft deep and Ernesto caught "nice" stingrays for us to feed and play with. The first 10 minutes were pretty frightening. The stingrays were huge. Like 5 feet in diameter. But they are cute and really velvety soft. And they're sweet little sea puppies. We both got to feed one a piece of squid. They have super vacuum suction. And they leave hickeys. One of the main rules is to not wipe your squid-juicy hands on your pant leg. As to not attract stingrays to your most private areas. All in all it was pretty awesome (well accept for the fat lady yelling at her 3 really young children and telling them they were stupid for being scared). I felt like a was the most fearless person in the world. I could've kicked anyone's ass.
We got back to shore and ate at a cute wrap place. Our lunch was 3 times more expensive than at Jamaica.
We did a little bit of shopping. Here and There.
Tendered back to cruise ship.
Ate dinner at the Pizzeria.
Witnessed a young couple taking pictures of an awesomely bad mullet. We got their attention and congratulated them on the priceless shot. It was a gray, permed mullet. We chatted it up with them. Rachel and Ferret from Dallas, TX. Joined in on their game of Pente. Made plans to meet them at the Casino later that night.
Went back to room. Watched Dr Doolittle II or III. Not sure which. Swear I saw Jim tear up. Swear. Swear. It was a little sad at parts. And he wont admit it. But I really think he was moved a little. He caught me watching him watch the movie and told me to shut up like 300 times.
Took nap.
Hot tub. We would always get in the ones that the young kids were in and it would make them uncomfortable so they would leave.
Back to room.
Alfred's Bar. Drank a rum runner. Found out later that Jim was ordering all of my drinks extra strong. During the whole cruise.
2nd formal dinner. And I was trashed. But not obnoxious. I hope.
Pretended to look for Rachel and Ferret at Casino.
Walked up behind Jim at the casino bar as he was ordering me a "super strong " long island. "Like make it REAL strong."
Back to Room. :)

Friday 10/6/06

Slept in a little.
Breakfast buffet.
Tender boat to Cozumel, Mexico. Mexican Army Boat with a huge gun on front was following our boat. As soon as we docked, there were women dressed all Mexican-like for us to pose with for pictures. We dodged them again. Then there were two large tanks of water and lemonade for free. Like Mexican water and Mexican lemonade. Jim: mmmmm, I'm thirsty. Me: You retard!
Our excursion was a semi-submersible submarine. Glass bottom boats, they make the rocking world go round! Anyway. We saw a bunch of fish and really pretty coral and breathtaking hurricane damage. Like buildings under water. Oh and snorkeler butts. Caesar was our glass bottom boat captain. He was really silly and witty.
Then we took a taxi cab to Senor Frogs. Jim had an entire convo with the driver in Spanish and then wouldn't tell me what they talked about. Senor Frogs was yummy. They served popcorn in a dog food bowl as the appetizer.
Did a little bit of shopping. Jim got a corona for a dollar. Traded my sunglasses for a turquoise ring. Fought off hair braiders. Watched people. Counted fanny packs.
Tendered back to boat.
Had dinner at the grille.
Laid out on Lido deck.
Back to room. Took nap.
Watched X men 3.
Went to Toulouse Lautrec Theatre and saw an awesome juggler and then a comedian. They were both very entertaining. The comedian was a large man. He said that Buffet stood for Big Ugly Fat Folks Eating Things. I swear at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever heard. Jim nearly had to drag me out. I was laughing so loud that my side cramped. Cause it was totally true. We ate several meals at a buffet that week. True True.
Back to Bed. :)