HEY...WHAT SMELLS LIKE UPDOG?

11.30.2003

I Laughed So Hard That I Fell Asleep

Shit It's almost been a month since I last wrote.

Well a lot has happened, but most I won't remember. List of goings on (not in any particular order)...

*Ginger and I went out one night. Well she meets this guy named Lorenzo that is in town from New York (his last night in town). We hang out with him for awhile and later on in the night he gives Ginger and I shirts from his clothing line. Mine is a size "small/petite", so it fits like a sports bra. Anyway she has been in touch with him since and he wanted pictures of the two of us in these shirts for his website. We go to the site and it's all about the "streets" and "hard times" in the ghetto and so on.
www.the-hardway.com
Anyway, we look further and this website is selling vests that are made like bullet-proof vests. And I fell out. There is no fucking way that there is a need for two white girls from Indiana on this site. My "hard times" growing up were eating fried bologna for dinner or getting my shoes from K-mart. And I loved me some fucking fried bologna. So we took stupid pictures of ourselves in these silly shirts with her camera phone.

http://pictures.sprintpcs.com//shareImage/5310388354_235.jpg?

http://pictures.sprintpcs.com//shareImage/5310292098_235.jpg?

http://pictures.sprintpcs.com//shareImage/5310213122_235.jpg?

http://pictures.sprintpcs.com//shareImage/5310595458_235.jpg?

Anyway... I can't figure out how too make the pictures show up, but if the above links works...that's a sample of the pictures I took. So if Lorenzo has any taste, you'll see me on the website. Yeah I know, what a joke.

*My mother and sister were putting up their christmas tree the other day and my mother asks Alex to vacuum up the little pine needles off the floor. So then my mom hears a screech coming from the other room. Alex is behind the tree, curled up in a ball, with the hand-vac up to her head. Her hair got caught in the vacuum. It's pretty long and all of it was wrapped around the axle-thing. It actually tore off a little part of her scalp. Gross. Well now it's kinda funny.

* Alex made the basketball team.

* Sorry to Stacey for not going to Hammerheads the other night. Hope you aren't pissed at me. K and I called you Friday, but you had already left. We spent 8 hours shopping that day.

* JD bad ass for getting that job! Oh and I was seconds from peeing on myself when I went to that poem link.

* I worked on Thanksgiving and nobody saved me any food like they had promised. Three of the four nurses (i'm the fourth nurse) that worked that night got to leave four hours early. Nobody asked me if I wanted off. I got off at midnight and its extremely windy and pouring rain. I have a good walk to get to my car. My umbrella flips inside out a couple times and then breaks. So I have to drag my umbrella and my soaking wet ass all the way to my car. Get home. Call Ginger. And cry on the phone for 2 hours.

* My grandpa is convinced that when he went to visit my nana at the cemetery, she was answering his questions. She also told him that he had to put up a christmas tree this year. I think this has hit my dad and grandpa a lot worse compared to last year. I wish I knew what to do.

* I think I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder. I also diagnosed myself with meningitis last week.

* My days are so fucking packed. I have something scheduled for almost every fucking minute of my life it seems. My brain is so far past being fried.

* My mother is fucking crazy.

* I have a joke...
So this couple that was living together breaks up. The guy, we'll name him Roger, gets really lonely and decides to go get a pet. He goes to the pet store and looks around. He thought he wanted a dog or cat, but decided that it was too much responsibility. So Roger seeks help from an employee, Steve.
Steve: well we have centipedes in stock. They are low maintenance, but really good pets.
Roger: what?
Steve: You know...centipedes. They are kinda like caterpillars, but they have like a hundred or something legs.

So Roger gets a caterpillar and goes home. But he's still lonely and is getting cabin fever. So he finds the caterpillar and is all ...Dude let's go out and get a beer or something. The caterpillar doesn't respond. Roger says it again...come on dude, I'm bored, I wanna get out of this house, Let's go. Caterpillar still doesn't respond. So Roger gets mad and raises his voice... CATERPILLAR LET'S FUCKING GO TO A BAR OR SOMETHING. I WANT A BEER. The caterpillar turns around and is all... Damnit will you hold on I'm putting my fucking shoes on!

Get it?

* I have a dentist appt tomorrow. Last time I went, he told me that I needed braces again and also tried to get me to order a $500 mouth brace to wear at night so that I wouldn't grit my teeth. Can't wait to see what good news he has for me this time.

* Faygo vanilla cream soda is awesome.

* I have seen Goo everywhere. He looks so much better. I couldn't fucking believe. I didn't know who he was until he started talking.

Well I'm going to do some homework. I know sometimes I act all nonchalant in from of an audience like you were just another shorty I put the naughty, but I really do love you guys!

11.03.2003

SKRATE PIMPIN'

Liz: Super thanks for the Halloween card! New title: "Liz will be so proud that I got all this info about you!" Yay, can't wait to see you in 42 days.

Toni: You were right...Scary Movie 3 does suck.

What I have been up to...

Dad was out of town for the whole weekend. Eventhough It's just the two of us, it's nice to have to the place to myself. You know to masturbate and stuff. No actually I just cleaned out the fridge (scrubbed, not devoured) and fixed dad's stereo and rocked out. Actually it was pretty fucked up being home alone on Halloween weekend witrh my father out of town...it reminded me of those stupid scary movies with Neve Campbell. What are they called, oh yeah Scream. Thought someone was in the house several times. Killed several crickets with a flip-flop. Don't need guns, kick ass with a shoe.

Went out for Halloween, dressed up like a pimp for the second year in a row. Some guy that tries to hump on me every time I go to Harpole's thought I was dressed up like Jamiroquai. His name is Darelle(thats how its pronounced at least), I think he has a gold tooth. Pimpin' ain't easy.

Saturday night I went to my mother's boyf's house and watched Barbershop, not really that funny. Fell asleep on the couch, not sure if it was because I was tired or because I had a contact buzz. Well looks like they are coming up with a Babershop 2. Can't fucking wait. Only if Martin Lawrence was in it.

Last night Ginger and I went to see Scary Movie 3. It was so horrible. Then we went to Fox and the Hound where I pretended that I gave a shit about football and made fun of this monkey looking ass mother fucker that kept looking at us like we were pork rinds. Did a lot of reminiscing. We have so many inside jokes, and certain looks and facial expressions that mean certain things: like the lady at walmart that was looking at a pillow case too closely, or the time when I was running around the house and slipped on the rug in the hallway landing on my face, or imitating how our greatgrandmother walks, or when i got so stoned that i couldn't control my legs and I walked straight into the wall...I was crying the entire time we were there. I had a fucking blast. It's so awesome to have a friend that knows everyway to make you laugh.

Now? nothing. Just talked to Liz for her 4-hour-if-you-are-really-my friend-minimum. Supposed to go out to eat but I think i'm gonna twist outta that and go to Gin's instead. Wouldn't hurt to spend sometime with my old man. Hey his ass didn't bring me anything from St. Louis! Well fuck.

Outie. Lovels like Whoa.