ITS MY OWN DAMN FAULT

Wednesday 10-4-06

Up early.
Small boring room service breakfast. Toast and Yogurt.
Docked right up on Montego Bay's ass. Jamaica.
There was a guy waiting outside the ship with long dredlocks and wearing rastafarian colors waiting to take his picture with everyone. This happened at all of the islands. There were always people taking pictures. Everywhere. We were already annoyed with this, so we ran past them.
Then waited in customs, which was a big, hot warehouse.
Found our tour group. We decided to go on a Highlights Bus Tour of Montego Bay before deciding on a certain area to hang out in or a specific thing to do. This was a 3 hour bus tour which ended up not being such a great decision.
Our tour guide was awesome. His name was Nuk (nook). And the bus driver was Phillip. In Jamaica, they drive on the left side of the road. Very frightening, if you aren't expecting it.
Our first stop was a small local shopping area, which consisted of dozens of small huts. As soon as we stepped off the bus, I was ready to run back in. You can't just walk by and look, they expect you to buy. It offends them if you don't look at what they have made. "Hey pretty lady, look what I made for you!" "Hey pretty lady, let me braid your hair!" They're very very aggressive. And they will physically pull you into their hut to look at their things. It's very scary. But very sad at the same time. They are very poor. An average Jamaican makes an equivalent of $50 US dollar/month. We bought a couple things and then hid behind the bus.
As we were leaving, an animal that looked like a squirrel ran across the road. Nuk said that it was a mongoose. They have a lot of them there. He said that they British brought them to their island a long time ago to take care of the snake problem. Now there aren't any snakes in Jamaica... so the mongoose turned on the chicken.
Then we went more into the city.
And then to Margaritaville. Keep in mind that its 10am, we barely had any breakfast, and we're going to be on a bus for a long time. We both had one margarita and we were drunk for the next 5-6 hours. But it wasn't a good thing. It was a hot hungry weak drunk. Not a silly happy friendly drunk. :(
Then we went to another shopping area. A little bit more modern and little bit less impoverished. But the women's bathroom was missing half of a wall. Leaving it open to the street, so I had to duck down. Just in case someone I knew in Jamaica drove by. Whatev.
We found a Jamaican Jerk Restaurant and had chicken sandwiches and pineapple soda. It was full of little boys in uniforms. Apparenly, all schools in Jamaica make their students wear uniforms. Unlike all of the adults we saw on the island, these boys were well groomed and 2 of them had braces.
By the time the tour was over, we were so tired from being an a bus for 3 hours and sick from the margaritas that we decided to get back on the ship. Instead of going back into Jamaica on our own.
Back on the ship.
Hungry again. The main buffet was French cuisine. So we went to the Pizzeria instead. Then got in the hot tub. Then went back to our room. Watched some news. We got Colorado local news in our room. Not sure why. Then watched the Robots movie. Took a Nap. The watched some of The Devil Wears Prada.
Went to dinner at the Monet Room again. Dress code this evening was 'resort casual'.
After dinner, we went to the Toulouse Lautrec Theatre and watched Deja the Magician. Female magicain from Las Vegas that flew into Jamaica and hopped on our ship for the evening.
Bed late.

Thursday 10-5-06

Up super early.
Breakfast Buffet.
Tendered off ship to Grand Cayman. Tendering is when you can't dock directly on the island because of how shallow the water is. So you have to get off the cruise ship onto a little boat and then to the island. There were photographers waiting with little life preservers. We managed to dodge them too.
We met up with our tour guide and bus driver, Delroy. Little tidbit: He pays $500.00/month for electricity. The Cayman Islands are pretty much the opposite extreme of Jamaica. Well Delroy says that their island has a lot of money, but the people don't. Unless you moved there to be a banker. There are 600 banks on just the island of Grand Cayman (1 of the 3 Cayman Islands). The island measures like 21 x 8 miles.
Our first stop on the tour was Hell. This is an actual town. There are creepy looking rock formations. And a gift shop with shirts that read "through hell and back" and you can send a post card to your mother-in-law from Hell, reading "I wish you were here" . Har Har.

More from the Cayman Islands after a word from our sponsors...