Your Heart Won't Heal Right If You Keep Tearing Out The Sutures
Starting off with the most interesting thing that has happened in my life in the past couple months (and it didn't even happen to me)... as most of you have heard, either through Liz or myself, my cousin, Ginger, did get propositioned by the notorious Snoop D-O-double G. Here's the story, like to hear it, here it go... I get a phone call at 11:30 ish the night of the E'ville Snoop concert.
Me: Helllllloh? (who am I?)
Ginger: OMIGOD...i'm sooooo stoned. Wanna know how stoned? I just turned down Snoop Dogg!
Me: Uh what?
Turns out that Ginger was picked to go on stage and dance with Snoop during that "beautiful, i just want you to know, you're my favorite girl..." song. Afterwards, she was escorted back stage with the other girls that were on stage with her. When Snoop was done with his ________ (rhymes with nerformance) ,he went backstage to mingle with the ladies. Ginger then drank Crystall (sic) and shared a blunt with Snoop and Warren G (you know... regulators! mount up!). Then danced with Snoop (she has pictures to prove it). She decides to "head out" when a member of Snoop's posse reminds him that he needs to eat dinner. Snoop's reply: "No, you need to give me head." Ginger: "Ugh, No you need to eat your dinner." Snoop: "You need to eat my dick." Ginger then points out someone else that would be good for the "job" and then leaves before getting thrown out.
The End - oh I did recently ask Ginger what Snoop eats for dinner: fried chicken, mashed potatoes, greens, and velveeta shells and cheese. Ice Mountain bottled water. Of course.
Had a blast with Liz. Yeah I know that was like 3 weeks ago. LYLAS. Love the new CD. I have plans to develop my own compilation album. Release TBA. Lovels x infinity.
Happy Birthday August Bdays!
Jenny: Had a super fun time with you. Hope things are working well with the IPOD.
Stace: 'bout damn time you got a cell phone. Now why don't you fucking use it and call a bitch!
OKAY I received a text message on August 19th at 1450 from a secret sender:
FRM: Dirrrty MSG: I love ashpee. C'mon do the little kick that we do. LOL. guess who? <3 u.
<1110200000>
1st off, I thought it was Stacey, because the word Dirty had 3 "r's", and I am referred to as Ashpee, but Kyle also calls me Ashpee. But I have no idea what is meant by "that kick that we do." I don't kick. Someone please fess up and explain the message.
As most of you know, Stacey gave me a POISON t-shirt that totally rocks my life in half. Anyway, I showed it to my dad and instead of him being totally jealous and wanting to borrow it.... he snickered and told me a story about the time he saw Poison in concert. He went to see Tesla, the opening band for Poison, and then left 1 minute into Poison's first song, because they sucked so bad. Sorry Stace. I still like the shirt.
If I called you yesterday and you were too busy playing video games and thinking about working on your car to talk to me, you are officially on my shit list. Not that you weren't already on it, you are now in the top 5.
Alex is in middle school now. A big 6th grader. really fucking weird.
Proof that life just keeps getting better... My uncle, the ex-convict that lives in my dad's basement, is now missing one of his front teeth. He pulled it out himself during his lunch break at work after messing with it for 3 months. He was already hard enough to understand.
Went to Hammerheads on thursday with Ginger, expecting to see a bunch of people that I didn't want to see. I lucked out. Ginger, however; was not so lucky. She had the pleasure of seeing 3 of her x-boyf's, but we amazingly didn't get in any fights. Successfully, a pretty good night.
Tonight I am going to a bachelorette party. Keep your fingers crossed that I have as much luck this evening.
Got to go get ready for work.
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