VOLCANOS MELT ME DOWN


update to my neverending fucked up life:

1) Birthday was interesting. Hadn't talked to Corinne in three weeks, until she calls last week. (sorta my fault too, I could've called her).She's all "oh I have been planning stuff for your birthday and inviting people to go out." Hmmm kinda pissed me off that she would assume that I didn't have anything to do, which I did thank you. Then it pissed me off more when she tried to tell me that all these people wanted to go out for my birthday. I seriously doubt it. I haven't seen most of these people since Matt and I broke up, like maybe 6 or so months. Then I got to thinking...Oh by the way Corinne's bday is the day before mine. So yeah back to me thinking...maybe these people just didn't want to go out on a Thursday (her bday), but wanted to on Friday (mine). So she made it sound like it was for me, but it was really for her. But I had already rearranged my plans to fit hers by the time I came up with this theory. So the day before My Celebration I call her...she's all Oh I decided I don't like bars, so I'm just going to have people over. I don't fucking think so. Last time she had people over, she watched CNN the whole time and then told Becky and I that we couldn't go outside to smoke, because HELLO she has neighbors. Like I'm going to be that loud or throw rocks at their windows or paint "nigger haters" on their garage or piss in their yard. So I left. Anyway so I told her NO I am not going to sit around your house on my birthday. So I call Ginger. Well she had made other plans because I told her that I would be busy with Corinne. She was going to see a movie with her boyf. Ok that's fine, so we made plans to do something afterwards. See 1b for continuance.

2)So during the day I went to the cemetary to visit my great grandmother(Gee Gee) on my dad's side (she died last year a month after my nana), her birthday was the same as mine. So I took her the flowers that my mom gave me. :) Visited my nana while I was there. Can't believe how much it has NOT gotten easier to see her. I still cry as much as I did the day of her funeral. I can't imagine how hard it will be for me when my father dies, and as much as I want to deny that it will happen, it is going to eventually happen. And after thinking about it, as much as I complain how much my mother and I bump heads, I think lately we have been subconsciously working on it. We are getting along 110% than we were last year around this time. I hate to sound rash...but I think she is finally learning how to be a mother. So the thought of one day her or my father just not being there paralyzes me. So then I went by my Papaw's to get my birthday card, he was out of town visiting family. And I just sat there in his senior citizen's apartment that my nana made him move into when she knew it wouldn't be much longer. He still has the Charles and Anna Cook wreath on the front door. Her pictures are everywhere, even her driver's liscense is on the refrigerator. I just sat there on the couch and looked around. What depressing things to think about, thinking about death on the day that I was born.

1b)The night of my birthday, Ginger calls..."Well you made me feel so fucking guilty about making plans with Shone (pronounced Shawn), so I cancelled. I hope your happy. Oh and also I'm broke...so whatever it is that you want to do, it better be cheap. So what it is, what do you want to do?" Uh What? Are you seriously human? Anyway So after about 20 minutes of me telling her that I would rather not see her after she said something so fucking rude ,she convinced me to go out with her instead of sitting at home. So we agreed that we would go to the beer stube/stoob/stub (sic?) at Fox and the Hound, eventhough I hate beer, but nothing else was going on. So she told me to call her when I got to the parking lot so we could find each other. Well I get there, I call, and call again, and call about 200 more times. No answer. So I go inside, look around, call somemore, look around again. No Ginger. So thankfully I find people I know, not people I would see myself hanging out with on my birthday, oh well. So I see Matt and some other people I used to know really well. Weird thing.... Matt happened to have a card for me, remembered it was my birthday, thought he might see me. Then he bought me a rose while we were at the bar. Funny thing...his new girlfriend/fuck buddy/semen receptacle was there sitting right next to him. He ignored her the entire time. He followed me around everywhere (even made sure I got to the bathroom ok, I wasn't even drunk), acted like he was interested in what I had to say, bought some of my drinks. Super Strange. I really wished he would have given me this during the 2 1/2 years we were together. I think I deserved more attention than his fucking penis. What hurts worse is the memory I have of me catching him with his pants down around his ankles with a girl in his parents kitchen. And then me freaking out so much that his dad wakes up to calm me down. He hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You know we love you so much Ashleigh, we wish our son wasn't this way, we didn't raise him like this, we hate this so much for you." And this goes through my head everytime I see Matt, everytime I think that he might have learned. Anyway what I'm trying to say is, it's a little fucking late for him to be acting this way towards me. I think I would rather him ignore me. So my birthday...I actually had fun. Got to see Justin and Coral, It's been a long time. Glad to hear that they are doing well. Point trying to make: Ginger stood me up.

3) Next night, my mother took me out to dinner. We went to Biaggi's with her new boyf (who I actually think is wonderful), and her BFF, Cynthia. I expected it to be lame and was already looking for reasons to ditch out early. Turns out I had a fucking blast. I ate like a fucking moose and had the best wine ever, my new favorite (former -Riunite` and Soleo). It's Moscato D'asti. I have looked everywhere since, but can't find it. So keep your eyes peeled. My mother brought an ice cream cake too. Then after that we went to Fat Cats, the bar in the basement of the Jungle. Met the owner, apparently my mom's boyf, Chris, is really really good friends with him. So I got a bunch of free drinks for my birthday. Played some pool. Drank these most god-awful drinks: Car bombs - 8 oz of guiness beer, then you physically drop a shot of Bailey's in it (yes shot glass and all). You have to chug it before it stops foaming. Had that twice. Jungle tea - their version of a long island. Ouch. Uozo (pron. Uzo)- some kinda a greek liquor served as a shot. Looks like milk. Tastes like licorice. Soldiers used to drink it a lot during WWII until they started going blind. It's like 135 proof or something. Then something called a cheezy poof- tasted like a tootsie roll, but had 26 different kinds of hard liquor in it. I was pretty hurt. Apparently these two guys were flirting with me (my mom filled me in on the whole situation the next day. I don't remember this at all), we had been referring to them as Wife Beater(WB) and Snaggle Tooth(ST). So apparently WB asks for my number and I give him some story about how I'm engaged (I do this a lot) or whatever and then he's all..well you can have friends can't you? huh? Yeah yeah I guess I can. So I gave him my home number, I guess at that moment I couldn't remember the weather line. Again I don't remember this. About 20 minutes (4:00 am) after I get home (i remember this) my phone rings (payphone number on the caller ID):
Me: uh hello?
WB: hey yo Ashley (im sure that's how he would spell it) what's up?
Me: Well I'm sleeping, who is this?
WB: oh it's INSERT NAME HERE (don't remember that). Uh my boy (Snaggle Tooth) wants your mom's number.
Me: What?!?! Why the fuck does he want my mom's number? (Snaggle gets on the phone).
ST: hey yo, yeah hook me up.
Me:WHY?!?!
ST: personal reasons, don't worry about.
Me: Are you fucking serious? I don't even think so.
ST: Ok I will give you back to WB.
Me: click....................

So I call my mom's cell phone and tell her that this guy just asked for her number. Well it turns out that ST is (I mean was) a dishwasher at the Jungle. Chris talked to the owner and had him fired. Bad ass!

4) Ginger calls and I don't answer. Her message on my answering machine:
"Hey went to the movie with Shone last night and then afterwards I was too tired to return your calls. I guess I will talk to you later, unless you are pissed at me, then I will talk to you in a week when you get over it."
She calls again the next day while I was on the other line with my mother. I answer because caller ID doesn't pick up incoming calls.
me: hello
her:Hey still pissed at me?
me: uh, yeah
her: ok so you'll call me in a week?
me click....

5) Got my cell phone bill. Well you guys remember my friend at Cingular that gave me free voice mail and text messaging. Looks like texting isn't free for me anymore. It's cost me $40 now.

6)Went to Plato's closet with like 6 pairs of pants that are all fairly new that don't fit me anymore. They only take 2 and only want to give me $9. Fuck it. Give me your money. Then I went to Best Buy and bought $80 worth of CD's to make myself feel better. The only one I really like so far is Damien Rice. And feel pretty retarded saying it because I'm sure in like a week or two it will be all over the radio and everyone will thinks it's stupid. But I really like it.

7) Went with the General Sanitation department today for Community Nursing clinicals. No I couldn't do anything cool like go with Rodent Control or Food Sanitation. We spent four hours surveying land for flood lines and testing dirt for lead levels and talking about how important it is to be on a sewer system and not have a septic tank. Septic tanks are horrible. SNOOZE.

8) Oh yeah the day before my birthday I came home from work to see that Cindy and her sons had moved out. They were a whole lot of hassle. And the last month or so, Cindy was obviously being an ungrateful bitch towards my dad. And my Dad was not going out of his way to be nice to them anymore. So they moved most of their shit out. Not sure if I really miss Cindy, but I know I miss the boys. They actually made me look forward to coming home. The past couple weeks I couldn't really speak to Cindy without saying some kind of short nasty comment about how we needed money or how she needs a job. She emailed me today to give me some excuse on why she didn't call me on my birthday, after Brian told me that she forgot. She went on to say how much she loves me and how sorry it ended the way it did. And how the puppies obviously miss me. I didn't reply. Brian calls me everyday, which is really awesome. Him and Eli said that they would spend the night sometime. Dad and I thought that was a wonderful idea. Oh yeah, My dad, he isn't taking it so well. Eventhough he wanted them out, he has been pouting around the house and calling into work. I can't stand seeing him this way.

That has been my past 5 days...

That sure was a shit load of stuff that I had no idea that I needed to get off my chest.